Archive for the ‘Articles On Domestic Violence’ Category

I always thought how could this happen to someone like me?

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The Truth About Domestic Violence - You'll Never Believe...

Stefan Molyneux breaks down the unspoken truth about domestic violence, including: dating violence statistics, gender related statistical breakdowns, emergency room reports, perpetration, physiological aggression, chivalry, injuries and much much more. The facts will surprise you…

A massive thank you to Dr. Martin S. Fiebert for his incredible work in documenting this information on Domestic Violence. For a full reference of sources, go to: http://www.fdrurl.com/dvsources

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It is classic among practitioners of abuse. Verbally they can be unbelievably cruel to you; publicly humiliating you without a second thought. When they get you home, they really let you have it; cranking it up a notch until you are reduced to tears. Seeing you like that gives them an energy boost. They understand completely the power they have over you and now it’s time to assert that power to its fullest extent.

For the ones who practice the physical it’s just slightly different. They may or may not hit you in public but when they get you home, watch out. And just like the verbal, seeing you hurt physically and emotionally gives them an added sense of power. There’s no doubt in their minds about who runs the show.

Now here comes the trick. They may come back to you and apologize (somewhat) or berate you even more. But the end game is the same. They would not have done what they did if you had not made them. The abuser does wrong and expertly lays one hundred percent of the blame and responsibility for their actions on your shoulders.

Unfortunately many victims fall for it. They start believing that it had to be something that they said or did which caused this abuse. They know the other person loves them. Why? Because they said so. Even in the midst of the abuse they stated their love. So it must be something you are doing.

Maybe some outside influences also got into the act. Family and friends offered up their opinions. Lo and behold wouldn’t you know it? It all points back to you. Some said so directly. Others stated it in a roundabout way but you caught their meaning.

Mix that in with some self doubt and next thing you know you are stuck with a question that never goes away: What am I doing wrong?

The answer is nothing. The wrong is being done by the abuser. They have no right to assault you verbally or physically because things are not going exactly as they would like or they have issues inside of them that they have never resolved and refuse to deal with.

Life is not always a bed of roses but you have made the conscious effort to take it as it comes without lashing out at someone who is supposed to be your partner.

If you are being physically assaulted call the police, get out of the relationship and seek safe haven. That last one is key. The news is filled with stories of abusers who refused to give up their ex. Drunk with power they think it is their right to reclaim what belongs to them (Yes I said what not who) and in many tragic instances they stop at nothing.

With the verbal abuser, if trying to get them to see the error of their ways does not work then move on and do not wait too long.

The point is that not only are they wrong in how they treat you but more importantly that you are a person with value, dignity and unique gifts that only you possess. No one has the right to make you feel any less than that.

Article written by Daryl Campbell at The Relationship Tip – http://winthemarket.com –
Are you or someone you care about wearing the abused hat? Learn the 5 tell tale signs

The idea of only women being at risk and victims of violence from dominant males is simply no longer true. The reality is that men are just as likely to be the victims of violence from their wives or girlfriends as the other way round. In recent years the number of calls by men to domestic violence helplines has more than doubled. Some figures suggest that incidents of violence against men by women are as much as 40% of all such assaults. In reality it could be more.

Whilst women are rarely slow to report abuse there is a built in reluctance for a man to call for help if a victim of violence. They feel that they will be seen as weak and unmanly if they are being bullied and abused by a woman. This is no longer likely to be the case as once it was. Greater gender equality, the stress for women in juggling a career and childcare, an increase in binge drinking and many other changes in the position of women in society all play their part. Whilst for many men it is drummed into them from an early age that you do not hit a woman, this is not so for women. It has been shown that a woman is far more likely to lash out during an argument than a man.

Whilst there are of course many men who can be highly violent when provoked and when they do not get their way; there can be a similar number of aggressive and violent women. The problem has been that society has always considered violence to be unfeminine and so women have been stereotyped as the innocent victims when violence occurs.

Violence often erupts like this. She is upset and distressed for some reason. She wants to talk and discuss it and feel supported. Unfortunately it is the way that the blame for the problem is likely to be levied at the man. This results is him feeling defensive, shutting down and as is the male way dealing with the problem rationally. That is not what she wants. She wants to talk, feel supported, cared for and not alone. The problem is secondary. The man avoids blame and tries to remain calm and unemotional whilst dealing with matters logically rather than considering her feelings. He probably tells her to calm down and listen to him. That lights the blue touchpaper and her frustration explodes. She considers him insensitive and uncaring and will say so in no uncertain terms. Name calling, throwing of things, and possible physical violence results. He should walk away but if he does she will become more angry, shout obscenities and is likely to attack.

What is categorised as domestic violence can be much more than punches, scratches, kicks and headbutts handed out during an argument. It can amount to humiliating behaviour, threats, name calling and all sorts of subtle ways to hurt you. Notwithstanding this many men, probably more than women, stay in a violent relationship.

There can be many reasons but top of the list is often an assumption of guilt. Often an abused man will feel that he is somehow to blame for the way he is treated. This is rarely the case. Other reasons to stay in the relationship may be to protect the children from their mother’s behaviour or emotional or financial dependence upon the abusive woman.

Men often believe it is their fault and this can lead to depression. It is not. Help is available from a number of agencies and charities and it can help to talk matters through with them.

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