Do Grown-Up Abused Kids Owe Parents Anything?

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

“What do we owe our tormentors? It’s a question that haunts those who had childhoods marked by years of neglect and deprivation, or of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of one or both parents. Despite this terrible beginning, many people make it out successfully and go on to build satisfying lives. Now their mother or father is old, maybe ailing, possibly broke. With a sense of guilt and dread, these adults are grappling with whether and how to care for those who didn’t care for them.”*

Slate asks an interesting question: do adults who were abused by their parents owe those parents anything? Is there a line between physical or emotional abuse? Should adult kids be the bigger person? Cenk Uygur and Ana Kasparian discuss with examples.

*Read more from Emily Yoffe/ Slate:

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my thoughts on this trio of molestors
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  1. Mindful Sentinel says:

    To hell with this idea that children owe their parents anything. If you feel that you would like to help your parents, then help. Some people are just too stubborn to accept help, some are abusive, others are incompetent and nonfunctional. For some people, their parents are only biological DNA donors (abusive and crummy), and for others their parents help them to optimize their choices and outcomes in life. No child owes a parent anything It's not as if there was a contract agreed to by the offspring when a couple gets together and decides to have sex.

  2. Briana Hooper says:

    Let the abusers rot.
    There's your answer.

  3. Miss Cassie says:

    I'm sorry but no. I treat others how they treat me.

    I can understand the view of a child doesn't owe the parent anything because they are the child.
    I can also understand that when people have loving parents actually wanting to do things for their parents because they love them, not owe, doing it out of love.

    You seriously can't abuse someone and expect them to treat you all loving and adoring. I understand parents go through things but you don't take that out on the child, no excuses.
    Abuse is abuse no matter what kind of abuse or who the abuser is.

  4. Kyler Robison says:


  5. Robert Graham says:

    This man doesn't appear to have a clue what he's talking about if he think physical forms of abuse are the only legitimate forms of abuse. He tries to backpedal somewhat by saying emotional abuse is "grey", which is true, but it is no less damaging. I think he imagines emotional "abuse" as something like a parent not letting you stay out after midnight, or as not wanting to share a chocolate pie.
    I have witnessed some really, really terrible verbal abuse and manipulation of children that continued when they became adults, until they moved far, far away. All that said, I believe those children owe it to THEMSELVES, not their parents, to reach out when the parents need them. You can't truly heal, or learn to love anyone, until you learn how to love those who raised you, but who didn't have any idea how to raise you with love. They just passed down what they knew, and all of us are doing the same…..unLESS we can see it, process it, analyze it, then understand it. There doesn't have to be any forgiveness; just understanding it, so that we don't continue the cycle and pass it down further.

  6. C A says:


  7. John Petrinolis says:

    I'm an abused child and say that we don't owe those monsters who call themselves our parents a cent on their death bed.

  8. ThePoacherz says:

    Honor the people who raised you with love!

  9. ThePoacherz says:

    Yes!: an ass whopping!

  10. Ana says:

    Thanks for this!

  11. Luna Bella says:

    my mom and dad are emotionaly abusive. my mom yells at me EVERY SINGLE DAY for any little mistake I made. I feel worthless, and I get panic attacks when she yells at me to much. my dad said I can't have a bad day bc I have more than most of the world. so he said if I do have a bad day it's my fault and should keep it to myself. (We aren't rich, but we do have nice things)
    EVERYTHING wrong that happens is my fault

  12. S G says:

    The man had not experienced child abuse . He cannot understand. He is being so defensive that i am doubting that he has been emotionally abusing his kids .

  13. Ly Valenzuela says:

    You can tell that this guy has no clue what abuse looks like or what it can do to you.

  14. EdgyMan says:

    Religious parents are toxic. They wan't to have full control over your life and never let you choose anything. My parnets say that im HAVE TO marry when im 20 years old. And I have to be a doctor. Now my parents hate me cause i told them that i was a atheist. Now my life is a living hell. I can't wait till i grow up.

  15. A Google User says:

    "You need to take care of the people that love you, and the family you've established" YES

  16. Lee Smith says:

    This male commentator has no clue about child abuse. He's an idiot.

  17. Naveen Drall says:

    we don;t owe anything to our parents. where is the above person when we are beaten daily, didn't get food,lived in anxiety all day daily, all we have to do is work,work,work. child abuse could be understand only by those who have suffered it

  18. Simon says:

    My father once smashed my head against a door hard enough to leave a deep gouge in the wood. When my mother questioned him later about the damage to the door, all he had to say to account for his actions was "I lost my rag". All that I did to provoke this assault was to not answer my younger sister when she asked me a question. Sorry, Cenk, but in this instance I have to exercise my right to "be a dick" as you so glibly put it.

  19. OkashiiAmerican says:

    That picture makes me want to kill that man. That poor little boy. I want to hug him.

  20. Kit Bina says:

    Yes these are some raggedy-ass Devil's is a shame we got a whole bunch of raggedy ass Devil's in this world

  21. Erin Stojkov says:

    Cut Florida off the continent. Something ain't right down there in the water. Nasty ass MFs. They need to be shot.

  22. Amanda Brookman says:

    I hope they die before their court date.

  23. Jade Lynnae says:

    Men are always going to ask but women have the power to say yes or no

  24. Nehemiah Jones says:

    wtf this ppl are evil

  25. υикиσωи υѕєя says:

    man, they're sick twisted people in the head, they should deserve life sentence for their messed up thoughts

  26. Samantha Little says:

    sick ass pple

  27. xoxoTrulyfree47 says:

    That man knew they would accept that…if they gave off that something like this just being mentioned would get him yoked up he wouldn't have dared to voice it. But a predator knows who to play those games with.

  28. Mechelle Bunch says:

    REALLY SAMANTHA and nothing wrong with self esteem of these women they straight from hell themselves

  29. Sara Williams says:

    good all of dem needa stay forever LOCKED UP??????????????????????

  30. Brandon Riley says:

    The father Johnathan got TWO life sentences.

  31. Alyssa Duncan says:

    Finally some women sex offenders getting a proper sentence

  32. mimi moe says:

    WTF I did not know that people like this really do exist kill them b****

  33. lunarrainbow2501 says:

    nothing comes before your children period if u have kids they come first i don't have any and i have focal seizures and even i know kids come first over anything

  34. Lisa Boliaris says:

    Oh my god. I have no words for this type of evil.
    If ANY man/women said anything close to that I would instantly put a bullet in that persons brain. No questionsz

  35. CbabyG says:

    like look at these ugly mutts… fuck you two piles of trash

  36. petty crimes says:

    Yes I am disgusted with the women, but more disgusted with the man. He is a predator. He purposely chose weak-willed, naive, vulnerable, low self-esteem having women. He preyed on them as well as the children. He knew exactly what he was doing. If I targeted lonely women with low self-worth and low IQs, I could get them to do some pretty unethical things too. Who's more at fault? I choose the stronger person who targeted the weak one.

  37. tabatha flynt says:

    Your right my kids are my life.No man,or woman is worth hurting your kids over.I will never be able to understand this way of thinking.God bless these children.May they reap what they have done.

  38. Kiara Thompson says:

    Wtf?! Are you fuckin KIDDING me?!????‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

  39. Gus Perez says:

    People like this need to be hung from a tree in the middle of town !!

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